10-Step Guide to Having an Epic Day at the Ballpark

10-Step Guide to Having an Epic Day at the Ballpark

Okay, so today I am so excited about this post and I thought about waiting a few days before writing it since I just posted on Wednesday, but this is so good, I can’t even wait to share.

Derrick and I went to the Oakland A’s game yesterday against the Cleveland Indians. This is my second time to the O.co Coliseum but last night’s outing was so epic that I will now share Brynna’s 10-Step Guide to Having an Epic Day at the Ballpark:

Step 1: Go to a game when you will get free stuff. Like bobbleheads. Last night was Yoenis Cespedes bobblehead night. Yoenis is the 2013 Home Run Derby Champion, hitting 32 homers over 3 rounds of the derby. Now, when you are getting free stuff, keep in mind that crazy obsessed fans will do anything to get said free stuff, so be prepared to do some pushing and shoving along with everyone else. Okay so we didn’t push or shove per se, but I did do some pretty passive-aggressive quick walking/cutting people off when rude drunk fans tried to cut me in line (when only 15,000 bobbleheads are being given away, people apparently forget the rules they learned in preschool about not cutting in line). Also, if you want to get free stuff, you may want to check how early the gates open before the game to know when you have to show up to get the goods. In our case, the Coliseum gates opened at 2:30 for a 6 pm game so people could watch batting practice and all that, so we had to kill 3.5 hrs before the game started, which may be a deal breaker for some, but not us. So you better believe we are the proud owners of 2 Yoenis Cespedes bobbleheads. Here’s our collection with the newest addition:

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Step 2: If you will have over 3 hours to putz around a stadium before a game, go to a ballpark that has a lot of good places to drink booze. Okay, I’m not actually advocating getting hammered before the game (although there were many a fan choosing to do just that yesterday), but the Coliseum has a LOT of alcohol choices and it has this fancy air-conditioned bar and grille:

There are a bunch of TVs all around the bar and you can just hang out, drink, and eat while waiting for the game to start. Unlike Turner, you don’t have to have special fancy passes to get in here, and since it was kind of hot out and BP is only so exciting for so long, Derrick and I had a beer and got to watch some of the Braves game before heading down to our seats.

Step 3: Encounter awesome random things like this piggy

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Step 4: Have awesome seats like this:

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We were right behind the Indians' bullpen.
We were right behind the Indians’ bullpen.

Step 5: (Which really should probably be Step 1, but I’m following the chronology of our pictures to write my steps) Go with the love of your life:

It was pretty warm when the game started, but once the sun goes away, it gets pretty chilly, hence the sweatshirts
It was pretty warm when the game started, but once the sun goes away, it gets pretty chilly, hence the sweatshirts

Step 6: And y’all, this is where is starts to get really important….make sure your awesome seats are next to a ridiculous drunk guy who is already wasted and who has a coke that smells more like rum. Said drunk guy can then keep you entertained if the game gets boring by doing things like heckling the security officer on the field and dancing in the aisle. Also, after being dared to go out on the field since the usher already had to talk to him once and his buddies told him he might get thrown out of the stadium, he might get up and dance at the gate to the field while continuing to shout things at the security officer. This entertaining drunk guy will also lean over to you and slur “I’m gonna get arrested tonight,” leaving you laughing because a) there’s a good possibility it will happen and b) the guy is so drunk he isn’t even concerned about it, he just states it as a distinct possible outcome of the evening. When admitting to you he’s been thrown out of places a lot, you believe him, and then realize that is why he isn’t concerned about how his evening ends.

Step 7: When your fun and entertaining drunk doesn’t get himself kicked out of the stadium, make sure you are sitting in the section at the ballpark next to the section where a big fight breaks out. Big fight as in when you look over, everyone else is also watching a little Asian chick in A’s gear getting up in some Cleveland fan’s face, gesturing and shoving and a bunch of people yelling and pushing and then the usher has to come up and start dealing with it. And if you’re lucky, the fight will end with two police officers coming down to help sort out the melee and kick about 8 people out of the game. If you’re lucky in the most epic way, as one drunk fan is being hauled up the stairs, he will try to fight the two police officers escorting him and they will quickly restrain him and zip-tie his hands together behind his back to the cheers of the crowd and they will march him right on out of there.

Step 8: Don’t be like this guy:

Why are you reading at the ballpark??
Why are you reading at the ballpark??

Step 9: Stay positive, even when the home team is losing, because, hey, everyone else is drunk and still having a great time (except for the people who got kicked out, and apparently the man who was so bored he was reading), especially watching these larger-than-life sized baseball legends race across the field between innings.

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Step 10: Take a good nap the day after. You’ve earned it. Having an epic day takes a lot of hard work.

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Hope y’all have an epic week!

 

**UPDATE** Derrick wanted to make sure I added this to the post…Included in Step 8 is: Don’t have your car catch on fire and then consequently catch 2 other cars on fire because you parked over top of your charcoal grill to the point where it looks like this to everyone sitting in the stadium:

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